A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.
“Certainly, sir, that’ll be 1 cent.”
“One penny?!” exclaimed the guy.
The barman replied, “Yes.”
So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, “Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?”
“Certainly […]
A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar…
FREE BEER! FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST!
So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.
The Bartender replies “Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing […]
Two builders go into the pub after a hard day’s work. They sat drinking for a while when a very smartly dressed man walks in and orders a drink. The two began to speculate about what the man did for a living. “I’ll bet he’s an accountant.” said the first builder.
“Looks more like a stockbroker […]
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.
He threw huge […]
Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first man, “What is three times three?” “274,” was his reply.
The doctor says to the second man, “It’s your turn. What is three times three?”
“Tuesday,” replies the second man.
The doctor says to the third man, “Okay, your turn. What’s […]
A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. “What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?” asks the cop.
“I’m a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act.”
“Oh yeah?” says the doubtful cop. “Lets see you do it.” The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing […]
There’s this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I’ll quit!”
Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say […]
While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball. Seeing no one around that it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.
Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change.
A girl standing next to him eyed […]
A young trial lawyer was defending a man accused of burglary, known for being witty (and the judge knows this) tried yet another one of his creative defenses. The judge, while not known for having a sense of humor, decided to here the young lawyer out.
“While my client admits he did, in fact, reach his […]
An elderly lady goes into the doctor and tells him - “Doctor, I don’t know what the problem is, but I’ve been farting all the time. It’s not really a problem socially because they don’t make any noise and don’t smell. I just can’t stop farting all the time. In fact, since I’ve been standing […]